Mail through the post…
Virgin Media – heads in the clouds
Ever since my Homechoice service became Tiscali, then Talk Talk, I’ve wondered if I’m missing out on the competition, what with their HD channels, higher speeds and host of extras. On looking deeper though, I always end up in a cross-product-complicated-comparison, apathetic hell.
However, this ubiquitous envelope from Virgin Media - addressed ‘The Occupier’ - somehow managed to entice me despite them not knowing my name for the past two years. The letter brags ‘You need one hell of a reason to switch from Sky. Here’s 10’. Not a bad opener. Except I’ve never had Sky, and probably never will.
Packed with a bro-flet I’ve seen before, they’re making the most of stingy budgets. But they’re certainly not making the most of any data.
Apathy reigns - I’ll be staying with Tisc-Talk-Thingey-ma-jig.
It’s time for Virgin Media to ground their mailings with certainty. I may ‘occupy’ a house that can be hooked up, but they need to do their homework before I think about hooking up with them.
The Great Courses – Uni on the cheap
Ohh! This is more like it. ‘Now Enjoy Brilliant University Lectures in Your Home or Car’ promises The Great Courses brand. As someone with a penchant for learning, I was pouring over the magalogue like a fresher on heat.
Diverse, intellectual courses by eminent professors; long, enticing copy; reserved educational-style design; and every catalog (sic) trick in the book. This is hardcore, re-packaged American edu-porn.
Fundamentals of Music, on the M4 anyone? The Early Middle Ages, for your laptop lunch break? Or how about Argumentation: The Study of Effective Reasoning, with your Eastenders catch-up?
If you’re quick you’ll get 70% off. You can’t argue with that.
Books Direct – one for the litter tray
A cartoon cat holding a bunch of flowers asks, ‘What do we have to do to get you back?’ Cue Books Direct win-back - the pack with nine lives. I’ve picked this up by the scruff of its neck in as many years, even once succumbing to the offer, so it must work. It’s urgent, cheap-looking, and whiffs of desperation. It doesn’t get much better online.
If the '7-books-from-only-1p' offer doesn’t grab you, the guilt of not placating the love-torn moggy could have you reaching for a biro. Online call-to-actions are curiously hidden in favour of a brash coupon, and free gifts to match.
Books Direct needs an urgent overhaul; strategic thinking, fresh creativity, and a real understanding of today’s internet-savvy consumer.
With such a fine pedigree of other book retailers to choose from, this ‘alley cat’ could very soon find itself running out of lives.
Wilson’s of Epsom – selling new Nissans the hard way
'It’s time to change your 3-year-old Nissan Pathfinder', writes the Nissan sales manager from the Nissan approved dealer I bought it from. 'And that’s it', he continues, 'except to say I now sell Citroen in addition to Peugeot, Vauxhall, Renault and Fiat (in red type in case you missed it)'.
'And I’ve included this free mail pack of Peugeot’s new range for your perusal. Nice aren’t they? After all, why would you want a new Nissan??'
Wilson’s of Epsom clearly don’t understand the intricacies of the retailer/customer relationship. Taking a leaf from Nissan’s own CRM strategy and the way to communicate at such a key time would help no end. Keeping customers takes more than just flogging any old - sorry - new car.
Door dropped mail
HM Government – victim support, or votes-for-Labour in disguise?
Having worked on COI campaigns, I know the challenges in creating public information. The ‘Tackling Anti-Social Behaviour’ pamphlet ticks the mandarins’ boxes but leaves me feeling cold.
Yes, the salient information is there, but where are the images, the graphics - anything to help stir the emotions on what is a very emotional subject.
It’s too wordy, too worthy, and currently propping up the leg of my wonky kitchen table. I may give it a read if the neighbour's rave kicks off.
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